THE oldest boy’s waiting-on skills at the pub in Redmire have been mentioned in glowing terms on the online review website TripAdvisor.

Judging by the amount of tips he comes home with, he’s either excellent at his job or picking pockets as he glides between the tables.

We’ve considered dressing up in disguise and booking a table just to see what exactly he’s doing so right. His mum thinks it’s all about the dimples. Anyway, his positive review got me looking at the comments left by TripAdvisor users for other pubs in the Dales.

Just for fun, I thought we could have a little quiz where reader(s) can match up the comments with the pubs. Here goes.

Pub number one: “The staff were quite moody. At times not very keen to help and you felt like if you asked for something you were putting them out.”

Pub number two: “The food was appalling, the service non-existent and the attitude of the manager was one that made Basil Fawlty look caring and attentive.”

Pub number three: “It feels a bit Slaughtered Lamb initially but in reality is a fascinating trip into how pubs used to be run. Go quick, it’s sure to change.”

Pub number four: “Huge groups of bikers, loads of ale on the floor and a decor that has more than a passing acquaintance with the 1970s.”

Pub number five: “Only white wine offered was a pinot grigio (sic) on tap.

Sorry can’t be bothered to visit again.”

Pub number six: “If you are looking for a warm, welcoming pub in a Yorkshire village drive on – this isn’t it.”

Answers will be hidden among the parish council reports in next week’s paper using a special code based around references to dog mess.* All these pubs – well, most – had lots of positive reviews which I could have used but they weren’t nearly as amusing.

Grumpy staff, bad service, dated decor, poor food and a limited selection of white wines – the seedy underbelly of the Dales tourism trade – although I didn’t see one reviewer moan about bad beer.

Priorities clearly in order.

* To avoid confusion, that’s a lie.