I CAN’T realistically expect much sympathy. You all think I have the best job in the world.

You’ll say, how hard can it be? Pick a place to visit, turn up, scoff the best bits off the menu, pick up the VAT receipt to claim the cost back from the D&S, pootle back home and remember enough about it to string together 800 words before Newsnight. What’s the problem?

The problem is the circulation area of the D&S. Now don’t get me wrong. I will defend the beauty of the Dales, the Moors, the Vale of Mowbray, the Durham Dales and all the pretty market towns in and around to the very last superlative left in my brain.

And of course all those pretty villages and towns have some stonkingly good pubs. Those that have survived hard times are lean and mean gastropub machines more than capable of turning out proper plates of food which at very least will not make you ill and sometimes make you glad to be alive – if not a restaurant critic.

But, and sometimes it’s a very big but, these country pubs can be very samey – especially their menus. Terrines, Caesar salads, moules, smoked salmon, rib-eye steaks, confit duck, chicken breasts, lamb shanks, crème brulee and sticky bloody toffee pudding – I’ve had ‘em all up to here – and as I absolutely love crème brulee that’s a real shame. And don’t get me started on the places that stick farmed seabass on a blackboard and have the nerve to call it a “special”.

So with the deadline for this week’s column looming ever closer and inspiration somewhat lacking desperate measures, something exotic, was called for – namely the Boro.

A quick search on Trip Advisor of Middlesbrough’s “top” restaurants which specifically ignored all the ten-a-penny Italians serving Parmos and Indian/Bangladeshi places led me to a Persian joint called Biston just off Linthorpe Road.

Further investigation revealed that it had just closed and, under new ownership, rejoiced in the new name of Persian Cottage.

I do like a bit of a gamble and this was certainly it. And because Sylvia doesn’t really do dodgy-sounding ethnic restaurants she’s never heard of in Middlesbrough, Bill was kind enough to accompany me. He’s the sort of friend who doesn’t mind being dragged off to unknown eateries as substitute because the wife doesn’t fancy it. He likes an adventure, a free meal (even in my company), and to be fair we’ve done this a few times now and have usually been pleasantly surprised.

So, at 7pm on a Thursday we arrive at Persian Cottage just off Linthorpe Road and park right outside (what, no restrictions?).

I’ve booked but it is empty and it stays that way all night – or at least until we stagger out just after nine.

Actually we didn’t stagger at all because Persian Cottage isn’t licensed at the moment ¬- leaving aside the little matter of the drive home. Super courteous owner/maitre d’ Mohsen, who had shaken our hands as we arrived (was he that thankful for customers? No, we thought he probably does that for all arrivals), was apologetic and offered to run down the offy for us. No, diet Cokes would do.

Menus and a little plate of salad arrived with our drinks and our starters soon after. The Mirza Ghasemi (£4) was a tea plate spread of grilled aubergine, garlic, tomato and eggs blended together with fried onion. That sounds like a complete mess and, to be fair, it received no prizes for presentation, but it tasted superbly smoky, spicy and also a little sweet.

We also enjoyed a Salad Oliveh (also £4), a similar blend of chopped chicken breat, mashed potato, eggs, gherkins, peas bound with mayonnaise, olive oil and lemon juice. This was altogether blander but nevertheless smoothly refreshing.

But the really class act of the starters was the huge flat bread, which Mohsen proudly placed in the centre of the table, announcing that it had been baked on the premises just a couple of hours previously.

It was absolutely beautiful. Floury and almost doughily uncooked in the middle, it was crisp and golden round the edges and ideal for ripping off in chunks and scooping up our starters. We had to ask Mohsen to take it away for fear that eating all of it would leave no room for what came next.

It was a wise move because the rice which came with the main course was just as good. I’ve always lumped rice with potatoes as crude belly fillers but would happily eat a plate of Persian Cottage’s mixed long grain and saffron infused rice on its own. Lovely, buttery and so separate I started to think it is was possible that each grain had been cooked in splendid isolation and placed on the plate individually.

Almost incidentally, we also savoured a skewer of moist and fragrant chicken kebab (£8.50) marinated in saffron, lemon juice, olive oil, garlic and onion and a Gheimeh Bademjun (£8), an almost astringent lamb and yellow split pea stew with rose water, dried lime and fried aubergine. A bit sharp for Bill’s delicate little taste buds, I loved it.

Mohsen also brought us a gratis minced lamb kebab – all minty and moistly tender.

Thankfully, Persian Cottage doesn’t do desserts so we finished our meal extracting Mohsen’s life story from him (very interesting but no room here) over a pot of cardamom and cinnamon-infused tea – again this was free.

We paid £27. Bargain basement stuff and top job. Go there. Mohsen’s a lovely man. He deserves to do well.

FOOD FACTS

Persian Cottage, 2 Benson Street, Middlesbrough, TS5 6JQ

Tel: 01642 829090. No website.

Open: noon to 11pm seven days.

Disabled access. Vegetarians: just eat the bread and rice.

Ratings (out of ten): Food quality 9, Service 8 Surroundings 6 Value 10