PICTURE the scene in the UK headquarters of the international Marriott Hotels group.

Corporate bigwigs are discussing the performance of the Durham Royal County Hotel.

World-weary beancounter 1: “The hotel’s dining room, 59 Old Elvet, is not doing well. I guess it’s the competition from the other more exciting places to eat in the city. What do we do with it?”

Young ambitious beancounter 2: “We could always lease the space out to another global hospitality brand to make a better job of it.”

World-weary beancounter 1: “We’ve already done that with the other dining room at the Royal County. It’s a Starbucks.”

Young ambitious beancounter 2: “Then we need a new idea, a new concept, a new theme to enthuse people. It’s got to be more than a convenient spot for hotel to grab a serviceable dinner or breakfast. We need some inspiration – but hey, remember, we don’t want to spend any money.”

Bright marketing intern: “On my gap year before university, we did a road trip across the states. We stayed in some crazy places and ate some amaaazing food – although, to be fair, there was an awful lot of Tex-Mex barbecued meat along the way.”

Beancounter 2: “That’s it. A US BBQ smokehouse sort of thing. We get lots of American visitors in Durham. They’ll love that.”

Beancounter 1: “What shall we call it? Route 66?”

Beancounter 2: “Naah, too obvious and the name’s probably protected. Let’s find another long road in the states (frantically scrambling through Google Maps on his smartphone). Here we are. Route 59 – it goes from Canada to Mexico. That’s kinda neat.”

So that’s one possible explanation why we find ourselves sitting in the dining room of the Royal County Hotel, immediately below the famous balcony where the Labour movement’s leading lights have traditionally proclaimed on Gala weekend, and looking at two upturned orange boxes with an artificial candle (those ones with the flickering ‘flame’ that just look like the battery is about the run out) perched on top. We reckon it is the best the cash-strapped makeover team can do to conjure up a little back-to-the-woods, good ol’ southern diner/restaurant atmosphere.

The fact that this artfully-constructed tableau stands adjacent to dining room’s main entrance framed by two Doric columns and a classical pediment only adds to the incongruity. The only other thing which suggests this bog-standard hotel dining room (jazzy deep-pile carpet, substantial leather chairs, buttermilk yellow walls) is anything other than that is the unremitting muzak featuring a lot of Shania Twain and the thump, thump, thump of country rock.

Early on a Thursday evening, in a largely empty dining room, we were shown to a table for two which we quickly realised was unique in being bathed in almost Stygian gloom. We asked to move and did so but noted that two other couples who arrived after us were shown to the same spot and made the same request for somewhere to sit with a bit more light. Avoid the table from hell.

The Route 59 smokehouse BBQ menu is presented, with dull inevitability, on a clipboard. It’s basically Tex-Mex featuring a lot of meat and not a great deal else. There are “grazing” dishes which look like starters, BBQ boards, ribs and wings and “add ons” (slaw, onion rings, skinny fries and beans).

We picked two from the grazing items ¬– nachos, Cajun salsa, guacamole and sour cream (£7) – and hog skin with apple compote (also £7) and chose to share the sampler BBQ board (£17) which our waiter said would probably be enough for two. He was right.

The nachos were heavy on the sour cream and guacamole, light on cheese and the Cajun salsa was not worthy of the name with barely a hint of heat. But there were plenty of nachos.

The hog skin was half a dozen or so long strips of rock-like pork crackling with a pot of apple sauce. They might have been good but I couldn’t eat them. I have good teeth (thank-you Dr Jon Henley, Cleveland Terrace Dental Practice, Darlington) but could make no headway. Had the dish come with a small pneumatic drill, it would have made no difference.

When this was pointed out to the waiting staff, they were happy to swap it at no charge for bacon-wrapped jalapeno peppers with cream cheese and more of the anaemic Cajun salsa. These were rather good, but at £8 for three of the little critters they could not be considered good value.

The sampler BBQ board was impressive to look at, consisting of pulled pork and beef (or “Badass Brisket and Hog Butt” as the menu would have it) pulled chicken, pork ribs, chicken wings and spicy sausage, plus skinny fries, coleslaw and onion rings.

The chicken wings were good, well browned and spicy. The remainder was all a bit samey, as if the assorted meats had been sprayed with some barbecue flavouring and whacked in the oven. A side order of chilli beans (£3.25) was so-so.

We were full but seriously underwhelmed and skipped desserts, figuring that key lime, Mississippi mud and pecan pie would simply be more of the same, substantial but unimpressive. Malteaser ice cream tempted us for a nano-second.

The bill with a couple of soft drinks, a Becks Blue no-alcohol beer and a discretionary 12.5 per cent service charge was £51.28.

FOOD FACTS

Route 59
Durham Marriott Hotel Royal County
Old Elvet, Durham, Durham DH1 3JN
Tel: 0191 386 6821
Web: marriott.co.uk\hotels
Open: 6-10pm seven days
Disabled access: no problem. Vegetarians: not a hope

Ratings (out of ten): Food quality 5 Service 7 Surroundings 6 Value 5