Dealing with the effects of sexual assault is an enormous challenge for all victims, but for those abused as children the complex emotions can remain buried for a lifetime - but as one man proves, there can be hope for recovery. Paul Remmer Ashley Barnard his story

PAUL Remmer has felt the aftershocks of being raped in his own home in Thirsk, North Yorkshire, throughout his life.

The 37-year-old, who lives in Thirsk with wife Claire and 16-year-old daughter, says he is lucky to have had unwavering support from his family, and after intensive counselling - which he says saved his life - is looking forward to a more positive future.

His rapist Graham Pipes, 49, is now serving a lengthy sentence at Preston Prison.

Paul, who has decided to break his right to anonymity for sexual assault victims, says: “I’ve had night terrors since I was a child, waking up screaming, terrified that he was coming to get me.

“But I never told my parents – I was too frightened of what he would do.”

Paul was raped when he was just five by a 17-year-old youth who was meant to be a friend of his father’s. He managed to confide in his now-wife Claire about the rape when he was 19, but kept everyone else in the dark.

He says: “I continued having night terrors as an adult and in 2011 Claire read an article about someone getting justice years later.

“My night terrors were getting worse – it came to a head when I woke to realise I was holding a pillow over my wife’s face.

“I realised I couldn’t carry on like that, and finally coming out about what happened might be what I needed to start moving on.”

Darlington and Stockton Times:
JAILED: Graham Pipes

But it was a huge leap for Paul to tell his family who had no idea of the devastating attack.

“Going to the police meant telling my mum though – that was one of the hardest things. She was understandably devastated and questioned how it could have happened,” he says.

“I couldn’t tell my brother Shaun, my mum had to tell him.”

Paul says one of the things that scared him the most about admitting he was raped was feeling that people would not believe him, or that they would treat him differently.

He says: “I couldn’t have been more wrong. My family have been so supportive, and so has everyone I’ve told.

“My friends from school couldn’t believe it as I’d never said anything about it, but I think they are proud of me for speaking about it.

“If I can inspire just one person to come forward, tell family, friends, police, or even just seek counselling, that will be a result.

“No matter how hard it is, it can make your relationships better because you’re not hiding anymore. People don’t have to suffer alone and perpetrators shouldn’t just get away with it.”

Paul credits Arch North East counselling services for rape and sexual assault for getting him through the darkest time of his life – after he reported the rape to police in 2011 he was told there was not enough evidence to pursue a case because Pipes had denied the charge.

He says: “I can’t rate Arch highly enough. I’ve recently had my last counselling session there and I was an emotional wreck because I’ve had so much support from my counsellor and he has done so much for me.

“If it wasn’t for him I don’t know where I would be. He gave me strength, helped me identify my triggers and helped me realise I was protecting this inner young child.

“Since Christmas I haven’t had any more night terrors which is amazing. Since Pipes has been sent to prison and actually admitted what he did I’ve managed to get some closure and looking forward to things in life, but without Arch I don’t think I’d have got there.”

Paul’s advice to other victims is clear – talk to someone.

He says: “I started speaking to friends after I’d told my family and just opened up. The perception of what other people might think is totally different to the reality, in my case.

“It’s hard for men to open up about something like this but it is worth it.”

Paul has always used the gym as a way of dealing with his emotional stress but now he hopes to take body building to the next level and perform on stage in men’s physique bodybuilding competitions.

He says: “I want to be on stage by the time I’m 40. I’m quite shy but when I think about what I’ve come through, if I can do that I can do anything.”

For support visit http://www.archnortheast.org or call the support line 01642-822331 – Arch North East provides counselling, help and support to those who have suffered rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, or childhood sexual abuse.