WHERE to start today? So many things to say.

This week's column is going to be tighter than a traditional Dales gate hole being used by 18-year-old agricultural contractors collecting silage in JCB Fastracs on a Friday afternoon with a thirst on.

If you don't think much of that obscure reference, I'm not that bothered. Most weeks I'd care, but not this week. This week I sat through two hours of a Frozen signalong event with a dozen girls dressed as princesses and the odd boy dressed as talking snowmen. I'm too distraught to care about anything.

In case you haven't seen the Disney film, this is the basic storyline. Remember it's for kids. Girl nearly kills sister with her powers of turning stuff to ice, parents lock ice girl in her bedroom for several years, parents drown, sister gets really cheesed off that ice girl is locked away, ice girl becomes queen but nearly kills guests with ice powers, sister falls in love with scheming sociopath, ice girl moves to ice palace on mountain and sets monster on sister. It continues with this level of death and destruction until, in fairness, there is a happy ending, but it comes too late to stop the nightmares which cause you to wake up screaming "let it go, let it go". I want to let it go but I can't let it go.

In other news, Masham has won the battle to be signposted off the new A1 which is great news for the town. However, the Highway's Agency will not add Wensleydale to the sign which is a real pain for those businesses reliant on visitors without satnav.

I suggest we make slight amends by removing all signposts in the Dales like they did during the war, meaning those day trippers who do stumble on the area won't be able to find their way out and will have no choice but to eat in pubs, stay in B&Bs and buy postcards.

Finally, what about the sports team which took a traditional bus ride around the Dales pubs at the weekend causing havoc and mayhem wherever they went? Dancing on tables at the Victoria Arms in Worton, getting kicked out of a pub in Reeth for flashing early-evening diners and verbally abusing a poor folk band at Tan Hill. My spies say it was messy. I won't reveal which sports team the women were from.