THE council has drawn up new guidelines for the way taxis and private hire businesses operate in the district, which you can read about elsewhere in the paper this week – or maybe next week.

An important but rather dull issue you may think. Well think again. In its reply to the consultation on the new rules, Hawes and High Abbotside Parish Council has provided a cautionary tale of what can go wrong if the regulations aren't up to the jobbie.

A few years ago, Hawes had the services of a horse-drawn taxi which would take delighted visitors up and down the town stopping off at the various attractions – the dairy, the ropemakers, the national park centre, the kitchen which makes Elijah Allen's fruitcake, which is more addictive – and much better with a cup of tea – that crack cocaine.

The taxi was pulled by Trigger, who in many ways was an unremarkable horse except for one thing; the smell of Trigger's excrement could make people vomit.

This would not have been much of a problem had Trigger done his excreting in a private place, but Trigger preferred to off-load outside the pretty town's pubs, cafes and food shops, especially those businesses with outside tables full of holidaymakers enjoying the ambience.

Cocketts the butchers and outside the Fountain Hotel were a particular favourite for Trigger to do his worst, apparently.

The parish council claims, and who are we to disagree, that Trigger's manure was the most putrid smelling substance and was on a par with fermented herring, a northern Swedish speciality which is widely believed to be the smelliest food in the world. OK, it may not have been as bad as fermented herring, I added that for colour, but it was really smelly and would make the unaccustomed literally sick in the street.

In its response to the consultation, the parish council adds "when hot and steamy, it attracted a host of flies – it made the town look uncared for, unkempt and unhygienic".

Understandably, the council is keen to ensure the problems caused by Trigger's backside are avoided and the authority has urged officials to make it a requirement that horses used to pull taxis are fitted with "nappy" to catch the manure before it hits the street.

It is not known what became of Trigger the toxic taxi horse. Any updates on his whereabouts and adventures would be much appreciated.