I SPOTTED this building recently. "What on earth is that? I thought despite it being obvious that it's clearly some kind of cold war spy listening device and/or a weapon for shooting asylum seekers attempting to get into the UK by clinging to a drone, which has been hidden in a traditional Dales barn near Ellingstring, a village nestling among the hills between Masham and Middleham.

I tried to google it but drew a blank which is an achievement in itself given that I also asked google why tortoises can't jump, and found that they can. Quite high. Through hoops.

So what is it? Answers on a postcard or email. If you've never been to Ellingstring, I'd recommend visiting the Ellingstring community Facebook page to get a feel of the place before committing to a visit, which I also found while searching for info on the barn weapon. It sounds fairly idyllic - similar to Hardraw (it's not called the Green Dragon for nothing) but without the sewage system creaking under the strain of discarded crack pipes and tin foil. Beautiful countryside, well-attended village events, wildlife, rainbows - that's what you get in Ellingstring.

Perhaps the fabulous lifestyle that the few inhabitants probably enjoy is being financed by the military who are paying hush money to villagers to keep them quiet about the sonic laser gun thing up on the hill.

In other news, the Dales were on Countryfile this week. I don't watch Countryfile often but every time I do we're always on it. Rumour has it John Craven is addicted to Wensleydale and cranberry cheese and has to visit every few weeks to fill up the boot of his Ford Fiesta with wheels of the stuff, or he comes out in hives. I do like Countryfile but surely there's only so many times viewers can be impressed by an upland farmer's skills with a quad bike.