IN the interests of balance, after fielding several lurid accusations of bias, anyone mentioned in the column from now on will have the name of their arch-enemy included beside their own in brackets. If they don't have an arch enemy, they can nominate someone they mildly dislike in the public eye, someone who perhaps bullied them at school or even someone who wronged them in a past life.

Here are some examples – God (Satan), Walter the Softy (Dennis the Menace), Super Ted (Texas Pete). I reserve the right to withdraw this policy at short notice, possibly even before I've finished this column.

News reaches me of Dales ex-pats now living in Sweden who have the newspaper flown out first thing Friday morning. I love these stories of the paper being circulated far beyond its traditional patch and would be very keen to hear more.

I'm forever going on about the First World War soldier who had the D&S sent out to him in the trenches.

"Dad, stop going on about the soldier with the paper down his underpants," the kids say. After reading the paper from cover to cover, the soldier would stick it down his trousers to prevent piles and stop rats biting his bum.

To satisfy my own curiosity, I have asked the subscriptions department if we have any readers in Monaco, Bahamas, Worksop or other exotic places. I will pass on their response in due course.

Anecdotally, former Darlington FC owner George Reynolds (the taxman*) once told me he knew people in East Anglia who bought the paper to check the grain prices. Apparently, a fire station in London also had the paper delivered. On quiet winter nights firemen and women would read out the WI reports to keep everyone awake, alert and entertained in the wee small hours.

Of course, these days you can read much of what the D&S has to offer on-line – www.darlingtonandstocktontimes.co.uk. This is a free service; however, everyone here would be really grateful if you continue buying the paper every Friday and support our advertisers whenever possible. It's not compulsory of course, but it would be appreciated. Thanks in advance. Readers rule.

* A reference to an historic conviction and in no way a judgement or inference on the reformed safe cracker's current financial affairs.