THE debate on Skeeby speed bumps is still rumbling on. Inspired by the "my dad works here" signs among the roadworks on the A1 at the moment, I would favour a speed matrix sign and number plate recognition camera linked to DVLA records which flashed up images of the speeding driver's loved ones along with a poignant message.

"I'll miss you when you're locked up mummy." Something like that.

Or maybe: "If you get a speeding fine I'm cancelling Sky Sports darling."

In other news, according to a new survey average houses within the Dales national park now cost £259,000. That's £60,000 more than neighbouring areas. I'd like to know how high prices would be if there weren't speed bumps at Skeeby.

"I know there are no buses and post offices anymore and we have to travel to hospital in Middlesbrough for anything other than an ingrowing toenail, but I just can't face navigating the bumps every time we pop from our idyllic house in Countersett to do some shopping in Sainsbury's darling - let's retire to Norfolk instead."

Interestingly, Raydale was not named after The Kinks lead singer Ray Davies who didn't pen the song Lola during a hiking holiday in the area.

Perhaps the poignant message system would have prevented the cat from being run over.

Don't get me wrong I'm delighted he's going to pull through after an operation, but I'm even more pleased that he's agreed to learn how to talk so he can contribute towards the vet's bill.

He's been likened to a computer game that is free to download but costs you a fortune in-app purchases if you want to stay alive.

At the moment he's living in a dog's cage in the kitchen while his leg heals, which means both he and the baby are house training at the same time.

The cat is doing better at present. The baby has started to use her potty for number twos, but then turns around to look what she's produced and runs away screaming. I suppose we've all been there. Perhaps she would prefer a litter tray.

Finally, we had one or two complaints about last week's suggestion that people could spend Saturday afternoons shoplifting in Edinburgh Woollen Mill. Sorry, I told the cat he wouldn't get away with that.