THE baby and I found ourselves driving home over the tops from Richmond in a big thunder and lightning storm last Friday. I was driving. She was navigating this time.

The lightning appeared to be just a few hundred yards away, possibly over Barden – if Barden actually exists.

Arriving home, we found the water pouring down the drive and into the garden. It was a storm of biblical proportions for a few moments, although in the Bible they probably did not have a problem with gravel washing down the road and into the drains from the auction mart. In Leyburn, the only things that arrived two by two were the turds which popped out of the overflowing sewage manhole. More talk of turds.

It’s a disgrace.

Many people would curse at the arrival of such unwelcome interlopers, but hefty payouts from Yorkshire Water for a contaminated garden always soften the blow. Just £142 million in profits this year incidentally. All that competition from air and fire must finally be having an impact. As the water kept rising, I did feel a growing sense of panic as the kids jumped about like giddy cows let out into the field in spring after a long winter in the shed.

Will it come through the backdoor? Will the fish in the pond get washed away? Will I get in trouble for diverting the water into the primary school?

But as soon as it started, it stopped and then drained away leaving behind just memories and a fault with Vodafone signal that was still not fixed by Wednesday afternoon.

Perhaps the wet weather has had something to do with the luscious carpet of purple heather on the moors this year.

I can’t remember it looking so vivid – like a giant has dolloped blackberry sauce on a large helping of chocolate chip ice cream, with no chocolate chips because they’ve all been removed by the giant’s slave sheep.

The amazing display seems to have lured zillions of visitors to the Dales as the roads seem so busy at the moment. It reminds me of the opening scene of Jaws when all the happy visitors descend on Amity Island ready for a great summer holiday, only to find they are stalked by a killer great white shark. Just me then.