SO, hmm, what about the cyclist caught having a poo in a farmer’s field?

If you have not heard about the incident, a Wensleydale farmer who lives beside the route of the Tour de France and wishes to remain anonymous, spotted something strange going on in his field.

Looking through a pair of binoculars, his wife was surprised to see a naked man squatting. The farmer was not amused and went to ask the cyclist what he thought he was doing.

The man, who had by now re-dressed in his one-piece Lycra outfit, looked sheepish but denied everything. The farmer, having just seen the man in the altogether, suggesting he was being a “cheeky so and so”.

After a brief but frank exchange of views, the cyclist agreed he had indeed been caught short and said he would be returning later that day to clean up the mess.

It’s a headline writer’s dream.

Tour de Pants, Turd de France, Pants Armstrong, Grand Defart and the six-year-old’s favourite, Skidmark Cavendish.

I really am trying to raise the column from the gutter after weeks of this kind of subject matter, but sometimes there are tissues, sorry issues, which you just can’t ignore.

In an attempt to do something worthwhile rather than vulgar, I thought I would promote the new Wensleydale sunny side scheduled bus service, which unless people use it, will be cancelled from August 9.

So here we go with a minitourist guide thrown in. Little White Buses leave Askrigg – one church and three pubs, say no more –- at 10am, noon and 2pm. There is a later bus which leaves at 4pm but you need to ring in advance for that on 01969 667400.

It then stops in various villages along the route before reaching Leyburn at 10.35am, 12.35pm, 2.35pm and 4.35pm.

The villages include Nappa Scar – more a bend than a village – Woodhall – great for fuel and once had a rabbit farm – Carperby – not so good for fuel but does have a surprisingly lively folk music scene – Redmire – leave before it gets dark – Preston – not in Lancashire – and Wensley – has a candle factory.

If these bus timetable details are well-received, next week’s column will feature River Ure tide times.