WHERE do we start this week? So much to say and only 350 words in which to say it.

Firstly, I’ve not had one poxy correspondence or complaint about last week’s hunting with dogs rant. For those at the back, I was suggesting that fox hunts still catch foxes but nobody does anything about it, but when poor people set dogs on rabbits or hares the authorities have a field day. Not a field sports day as they would end up having to arrest themselves, just a field day.

Personally, I spent many a happy 30 seconds watching the whippets chasing a rabbit – and then another unhappy 30 minutes as I chased the whippets trying to get the lead back around their scrawny necks, but shouldn’t laws be applied evenly? Free the Stockton Five, I say.

Moving on, what interesting goings on with the Horrible Histories crew filming up at the castle.

A night out in Leyburn nearly turned to tragedy when one chap fell out of the back of a lorry allegedly driven by a man who was later arrested on suspicion of drinkdriving.

According to D&S sources, they were not happy with Castle Bolton water so decided to buy it in from Redmire where they drink frozen snow melted on the navels of fashion models.

Redmire folk thought they wanted a few gallons a week but they turned up with a tanker every day. A hefty bill is in the post.

Finally, an anecdote about one of the boys, which always go down well with everyone but the boys.

“Why has it taken you 20 minutes to put your socks on in your bedroom – have you got your phone in there?” his mum asked.

“I was squeezing out some trapped wind,” the boy replied. I make no apology for the baseness of the column recently. It’s what happens when you don’t bother to complain.

The story of my date with Upper Wensleydale Ladies’ Luncheon Club will have to wait until another week, although I must say their aim with a bread roll is excellent.