AT last I can report that I have had word from Finghall – and the news is good.

The flies have gone. A resident, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of persecution when they reappear on June 9, says he spotted a sole survivor which he whacked with a cheap fly swatter he bought for 40p from a car boot sale at Harmby.

He did buy an expensive swatter during a trip to Germany this summer, but despite having a leather strap and costing three euros, it was useless.

The Finghall resident says he isn’t sure if they were lickers or biters, although worryingly he reports that normal fly spray failed to kill this year’s plague, prompting thoughts that they are building up a tolerance to pesticides and will soon develop armour-plated wings.

In other news, I took a couple of the boys to St James’ Park last week to watch Newcastle United take on Leeds United. It was quite an education, especially for the little ‘un.

The Leeds fans were quite boisterous and spent much of the game proposing in no uncertain terms to go – presumably for a temporary period only – into a state of voluntary mental illness.

Despite losing the game 2-0 and having very few opportunities to score, they were highly critical of the Newcastle team, suggesting their football was of a poor quality and their parentage was questionable.

They also advised unequivocally that they thoroughly disliked Chelsea, which seemed strange as the two clubs haven’t been in the same league for almost a decade.

I quickly dismissed the idea of remonstrating with the 6,000-strong Leeds contingent, many of whom to my inexpert eye appeared to be in drink.

Instead, I covered the youngest boy’s ears during the really boisterous bits and bribed him with a hot dog not to tell his mum about the new words he had picked up.

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