THE 100 years ago section of Askrigg Primary School’s newsletter has thrown up another gem.

In 1913, a member of staff called Miss Birch was having health problems.

She needed help getting to and from school, had to take medicine and “nourishment”

throughout the day and was “unable to breathe without inhaling the smoke of some burning powder, the fumes of which pervade the whole school, and cause discomfort to scholars and other members of the staff”.

The headteacher was unimpressed and sent her home, only to write in the school diary the following day: “Miss Birch in attendance this morning apparently rather better.”

Getting the munchies. Inhaling burning powder. Not able to stand. Hmm.

We were in the Askrigg area one evening this week when we spotted four hedgehogs within a mile of road. A nice sight you would think, except three appeared to be eating roadkill rabbits.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To feast on raw flesh it seems. I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised. Presumably hedgehogs will soon start to hibernate and need to up their calorie intake beforehand.

It just doesn’t fit easy with the image of Mrs Tiggy-Winkle bumbling around your garden and timidly rolling into a ball when the cat takes an interest.

If only hedgehogs could catch flies.

I’m disappointed to report that the residents of Finghall have been silent on the issue of whether their problem flies are lickers or biters.

There are potentially several reasons for the silence.

Firstly, the number of flies has grown so large that they have now taken over the village and all inhabitants have become slaves to the flies.

The flies have removed all phones and car keys, and have tasked residents with creating a giant dung heap which the lord of the flies can sit on while issuing orders and planning an assault on the army of spiders which secretly live in Newton- le-Willows. The editor’s off this week, as you can tell.

Alternatively and slightly more likely, they aren’t impressed with the trivialisation of what sounds a rather unpleasant problem.

There is a third theory which involves the residents of Finghall not actually reading this column. Obviously this has been discounted as ridiculous.