THUNDERSTORMS on Tuesday morning and one of the boys says: “Oooh great, let’s check the school website.”

After a winter when days off because of the snow became a regular feature, he now thinks school will close at the first sign of inclement weather. I told him teachers aren’t spaniels which will hide under the bed because the sky’s making loud booming sounds – and besides they’ve got six weeks off now to watch Jeremy Kyle and Heir Hunters so a last day of term supervising the operation of the DVD player is going to be no problem.

School’s out for summer.

Yey. My advice to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on coping with summer holidays – public schools like Eton have even longer holidays remember – includes not buying expensive crisps or biscuits as boys left alone will scoff them all by noon on the second day. They should also consider sports activity camps which at between £10 to £15 a day are an inexpensive yet constructive form of childcare. Finally, the golden rule is of course to smuggle cheap sweets, drinks and popcorn into the cinema rather than buy them from the kiosk.

Take a large handbag if necessary.

The village football team is facing a challenge to find enough players to get a team together. The changing demographics of the Dales mean it’s a perennial problem.

There aren’t the jobs locally for young men that there once were to keep them here. There are also now lots of other distractions for teenagers. Several teams in the Dales are struggling, with Hawes’ second team already folding. It is likely there will be fewer teams in the future, although my favoured answer is for parents to ban Xboxs and other pointless hobbies which don’t involve chasing a ball about.

I’ve had some input for my proposed guide on supermarket home deliveries. Apparently one driver arrived eight minutes early for a delivery but wouldn’t drop off the shopping, despite the occupant knocking on his window.

The hand-held computer thingy said ‘no’ apparently.