I HAVEN’T seen or done anything interesting this week so hold on to your hats because this could be a bumpy ride.

The cat disappeared for an afternoon but came back and Corey Haim, the tortoise, slept for a week, the lucky blighter.

That’s it really, although because Lightwater Valley and the antiques shop in Hawes were both shut, we did enjoy a family trip to the dentist.

The kids’ teeth were all fine because they are pestered to brush them properly day and night, and it was only me who incurred the dentist’s wrath.

I don’t say wrath lightly. He was clearly very disappointed that his previous advice to floss regularly had been ignored.

He’s an NHS dentist and I’m now worried that because I failed to do as told, he will pack up his nasty pointy tools and take his subsidised service elsewhere.

So now I’m flossing. But how do you floss? At school they taught us how to cook, sew and make a plastic LED flashy box, but not important life skills like flossing.

A recent documentary on joining the Marines showed privates being taught how to wash their privates. This is the kind of lessons we should be teaching at school. How to wash and how to floss. A GCSE in personal hygiene. Surely it’s better than a drama qualification.

Which brings us nicely on to West Witton Cottage Show, which I understand was a big success as usual last weekend.

This year there was a winner in the bale of hay category – the only entry submitted. Last year there was also only one entry, but neither the judge nor the entrant thought the bale was good enough, so it was given second.

That’s how to run a competition, Cowell.

If it’s not good enough, it’s not going to win, and sob stories about 104-year-old grandfathers losing a finger in a skiing accident will be greeted with tears of laughter.

Anyway, for those that missed the excellent Weekend feature in last week’s D&S Times about the changes at the Dales GP practice, they are urging people to register with their local doctor to increase funding during challenging times.

To help the drive, I’ve come up with a catchy slogan.

Hurts when you pee? Should have registered with a GP. No need to thank me.