ONE of the boys has gone skiing to America. I went to East Barmby orienteering, he’s in New Hampshire on the piste.

They flew into JFK Airport and then made their way to the resort by bus. We heard from him soon after he touched down because the bus had free wi-fi. Just imagine – vehicles with broadband. Although they probably use it to order more guns, it does make you a little jealous.

I wonder if it’s possible to retrospectively fit it to a Fosters bus? Presumably it’s via satellite rather than cable, which could present a problem getting under the low Dales bridges.

Actually, after 0.26 seconds of research it seems wi-fi on buses is quite common in this country, but it relies on 3G, rather than broadband, so it’s not that wonderful after all. Cancel that order, Bob.

On a related subject – related because they’re both in this week’s column – did anyone see the documentary on Hercules the bear?

What an inspirational story.

Everyone except me probably knew the tale already but it was all news to me.

This is a grizzly bear who lived in Scotland in the 1980s and 1990s with a professional wrestler and his wife.

He was very gentle and never attacked anyone, other than in play. Once he escaped on a Scottish island but rather than eat a sheep or a child, he just got very hungry.

In contrast, when the tortoise escaped in our living room the other day it was less than five minutes before he bit my toe. Proof, if ever proof was needed, that bears are much better than tortoises.

Hercules died in 2000 aged 25. It’s fair to say I would have liked to known you, Hercules, but I was just a kid.

Just another 50 words to go now. We’re on the home straight, which is where more dog mess has been spotted. Why would you pick it up in a little bag and then fling the bag into a tree? It makes no sense. Is it art or just naughtiness?

I know that's not 50 words – oh wait, it is now.