Picture who?
Bearded doyen of the didgeridoo, lover of animals, champion of Two Little Boys and now hanging out with royalty.
I can't tell who it is yet . . .
Australia's greatest-ever export and master of the wobble board of course.
Who?
Ladies and gentlemen, Rolf Harris. Born in Western Australia in 1930, this edgy Antipodean has wowed kids with his cartoons, sung for 75,000 fans at Glastonbury and become a family favourite as the host of Animal Hospital.
Over the course of a 50-year career, he has proved he can turn his nimble hands to just about anything. And now that sleight of hand is to be swung in the direction of our very own Queen Elizabeth.
No way!
Yes way. The 75-year-old jack of all trades has been commissioned to paint M'am in celebration of her 80th birthday, which she celebrates next April.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport. I thought he was more into the animals these days.
Not any more. Although the loveable Aussie stepped away from the easel in 1993 to win a new generation of fans on Animal Hospital, which was dropped by the BBC in 2003 to the disappointment of animal lovers everywhere, his talents have since taken him far beyond the boundaries of the vet's practice. His hands are now firmly back behind the drawing board in preparation for this, his most stately commission so far.
Boy Bruce! How did that happen? I thought cartoons were his game.
No, no, no, no, no. Despite years presenting Rolf's Cartoon Club ("you can join today!") and rocking up the charts with Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven, apparently Harris is now settled and accepted as a respected and renowned artist.
How come? In Rolf On Art he just copied other people's paintings!
Maybe, but Rolf On Art attracted the largest audience ever for a television arts programme. When the show was launched in 2001, featuring Rolf recreating the works of a variety of famous artists, many feared the cartoon-master would finally be caught out of his depth. But instead the series got massive ratings and was acclaimed for bringing art to the masses.
But wasn't that because people were just so relieved that the show kept him away from animal hospitals?
Apparently not. Mothers and teachers were writing to him, thanking the former London art school graduate for getting children into art. LS Lowry, Salvador Dali, Pablo Picasso, Paul Cezanne, Marc Chagall and Andy Warhol all got Glasgow?
the Harris treatment. The programme's success led to a massive event in which painters were invited to recreate John Constable's The Haywain in a race against the clock. An exhibition at The National Gallery in London followed and, in 2003, the icing was on the cake for Harris with a much-coveted show in an, um, er . . . Audi showroom in Glasgow.
Aye, apparently Harris has a fondness for the Scots and, along with political broadcaster Jeremy Paxman and children's entertainer Timmy Mallet, he is now concentrating his efforts on campaigning to stop the construction of the proposed Aberdeen city bypass.
So, what next for the boy?
Dunno. Looks like he's on the stairway to heaven with this job. Let's hope it's not a matter of Queen today, gone tomorrow. Watch this space.
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