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School days when life was simpler and conkers OK

TAKE a dash of Heartbeat, add a sprinkling of All Creatures Great And Small, throw in a liberal dash of Please Sir!, and you've come up with the recipe for Mister Teacher.

Set in the 1970s, this sequel to the hugely successful Teacher, Teacher!

by Jack Sheffield (original paperback by Bantam Press, £10.99) chronicles the life and times of the author as he begins his second year as headmaster of Ragley-onthe- Forest Church of England School in North Yorkshire - and is immediately blamed for an outbreak of nits.

It's a story that will have you crying tears of laughter, and of sadness too, with larger-than-life characters like Vera, the school secretary, who worships Margaret Thatcher and dreams of taking charge of the local WI, Ruby, the 20-stone caretaker - a woman with a big heart and a wonderful singing voice - the lovely, but enigmatic Beth Henderson, and a huge supporting cast in the shape of the children who attend the school and their pesky parents.

I left school at around the time the book is set, so I can relate to the "old days", when kids were still allowed to play with conkers, skateboards had just been invented and life was so much simpler. To a generation brought up with computers and the national curriculum, reading this story will prove a huge culture shock.

Sheffield uses a broad brush to paint a vivid picture of a lively school at the heart of a rural community.

Best of all are the things the children say, which will leave you chuckling.

A joy to read - and surely the perfect inspiration for a Sunday night TV series? Remember, you heard it here first!

The Ninth Stone by Kylie Fitzpatrick (published in hardback by Weidenfeld & Nicolson, £12.99) is a colourfully told tale of daring, diamonds, murder and Eastern mysticism set in a dark and sometimes desperate Victorian London.

Unusually strong female characters proliferate in the story, the main character being Sarah, who disguises herself as a boy to work in newspapers. Entertainment seems to consist primarily of going to watch the hanging of criminals or falsely convicted innocents who conveniently put up the police's crime-solved rate. The newspapers may well let truth fall by the wayside if a well-told scurrilous tale will sell more papers.

Lily Korechchnya is a well-off widow who writes pieces for the paper Sarah works for, and eventually befriends both Sarah and her younger sister, Ellen. She mainly produces features on female emancipation and exceptional women (including the Goddess Kali). She has some unusual ideas for the time and her real point of view is only to be seen in the letters she sends to her friends and (doesn't send to) her dead husband.

Society dame Lady Herbert, a strong believer in Eastern mysticism, is having her diamond collection catalogued by Lily. She believes in diamonds as a source of magic - that they are good for the pure of heart and bring misfortune to the evil.

The jewels are stolen, and Lady Herbert is found dead in strange circumstances. Lily is due to visit her husband in India, but before she can get there, he dies. She has a locket made containing his hair and goes to India to explore for herself and try and find the jewels.

The book is quaintly written with a strange mix of Victorian styles and exotic Eastern influences. The gentry take opium as a recreational drug and spiritualism is taken for granted among the characters, with Hindu and Eastern mysticism mixed readily with real life.

The book is an entertaining weaving of intrigue and rags and riches with some strong lead characters who don't always behave as you'd expect them to.

1:33pm Friday 8th February 2008

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